I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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