My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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