How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
