my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
