Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
