Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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