i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
