He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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