Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
