i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
