i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
