meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
