cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
