My balls are so social today.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
