could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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