Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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