Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
