i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
