Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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