i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
