we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
