I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
