just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
