Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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