She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
