Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
