We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
