I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
