so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
