I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
