she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
