He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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