FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
