she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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