____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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