Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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