I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
