i used baking grease as lip gloss
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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