I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
