woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and she was petting her beer can
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
