remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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