she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
