She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
