Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
