So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
