so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
