It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
