You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
