If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
