I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
