Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
