it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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