i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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