just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
