I think I am morally bankrupt
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
