I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
