If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
