the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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