were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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