i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
