my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
