Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
