I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish i was in the wii world.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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