You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
