i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
