i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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