I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
