i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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