u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
