i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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