Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
