You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
