The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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