Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
