I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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