Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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