I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
