Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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