all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize