okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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