I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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